Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
