Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
