i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
