I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Randomize
