respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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