My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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