You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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