I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
