Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
