So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
