i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
