remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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