I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
