You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
