Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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