i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
