How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
