my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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