I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
