its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it because I queefed?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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