She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
