I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Drake has all the answers
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
