he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
