The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
