She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
false alarm, still single
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
