So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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