just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
