Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
