I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
