just come out here and I will go home with you...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
