I hate all girls vehemently.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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