In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
