So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
