I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
