dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
