I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
