Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My feet surprised me
Randomize
