i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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