I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
