so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
