u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
