I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
