As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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