i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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