I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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