Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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