We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
