I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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