pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
