Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
where are my eyebrows?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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