there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
