video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
