Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Acid is not a monday night drug
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
