I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Who died my cat blue again?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Panties = found
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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