that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it because I queefed?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
