I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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