hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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