Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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