There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I am naked and annoyed.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
