spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
