he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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