Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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