He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
