You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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